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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

First week in December

Do Girls have Weenies Too?

Ricky was a very precocious five year old and his mother Stephanie was demoralized by an unexpected question he asked her. While dressing himself, Ricky looked down in his underwear with a puzzled expression and asked her, “Do girls have weenies too, Mom?” Speechless, Stephanie could not think of a single good answer to give her inquisitive child, so she made an appointment to come and see me for a counseling session. I told her, “You are the greatest role model your child has. If you don’t talk to him about sex, he will find someone else that will. And they may give him the wrong information.” I encouraged Stephanie to answer her son’s questions honestly and directly. I suggested some role-playing to demonstrate; she played Ricky and I played the part of the mother. I said, “No Ricky, girls do not have a weenie, which is actually called a penis. Girls have a vagina and that’s one of the things that make boys different from girls.” I explained that evasive or negative answers can contribute to poor self-image or relationship problems in the future, not to mention sexual repression and confusion. Stephanie left my office with a skip in her step, feeling like a more empowered parent.

I’m a great believer in letting kids know what physiological changes to expect before they happen. For example, prepare them for erections, wet dreams, breast development, menstruation, orgasm, ejaculation and even Acne. Knowledge is power and sexual knowledge will prevent feelings of sexual guilt and shame.

Britney Spears gives Kevin Three Months Probation

I got a call from Shauna, a reporter for Life & Style magazine who asked for my professional opinion on Britney’s ultimatum for her hubby Kevin Federline. Britney has allegedly given him three months to shape up or ship out. “If this report is true” I said, “Then I doubt the marriage will last. Britney knew the nature of the beast before she married him and she should not try to change him now. That will just cause resentment and more conflict in the marriage.” So Shauna asked what advice I had for the celebrity couple. My advice to them is the same as to any couple who gets hitched prematurely. If both want to make the marriage work, are willing to compromise, to give and take, then it could work. Kevin needs to grow up, give up his partying and start behaving like a responsible father and husband. Britney needs to have more realistic expectations of Kevin and behave like a loving mother and a wife, not a spoiled superstar. Marriage isn’t easy, especially in Hollywood where there are so many temptations to stray, but it’s a choice that two people make when they are ready to make a commitment to each other for better or worse!

Grizzly Adams and Naked Catering

Dan Haggerty, best known for the lead role of the TV series Grizzly Adams, is a friend of mine who insisted that I meet someone who could enhance my next big event. His name is Chef Pieps and his company is called Naked Catering. I wondered if he would show up at my office in his birthday suit. Very little shocks me, and I’m always game for something new and exciting! The Chef wasn’t naked, but some of the photos from his portfolio revealed pictures of beautiful naked waitresses...well, they were sort of naked. Their bodies were artfully painted and let me tell you, I never knew the naked body could make such a good canvas for creative expression. Clothing optional servers are the latest craze in Hollywood, he told me, so who am I to protest? My last big event, though there were no naked servers, was at the LA Erotica Museum to celebrate my new book, The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Oral Sex, for Penguin Publishing. It was a huge success with paparazzi, celebrities and hundred of people waiting eagerly for their personally signed book by yours truly. Chef Pieps gave me an offer I couldn’t refuse. He said that he wanted to shoot a pilot TV show for himself and use my next event to showcase it. I had planned to throw a Valentine’s Party to promote my new Tantric Lover’s game anyway, but now I could go all out. I told Chef Pieps some of the erotic food ideas I had, ideas which included a live mermaid surrounded by fresh seafood, a naked sushi girl, a mashed potato martini bar and, for desert, a chocolate fountain. He loved them and offered to provide the beautiful naked servers. I can hardly wait for Valentines Day and it’s only December, which reminds me it’s time to go Xmas shopping.


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