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Sunday, November 20, 2005

Dr. Ava's Loveology Blog 2

Paul Revere and the 2 Minute Man

The 2 minute drill may be exciting in football but, in the bedroom, it can pose a serious problem. Bill returned for another session on his premature ejaculation problem. He appeared very pleased with himself as he sat across my desk, smiling. “I went down on Annie for 20 minutes Dr. Ava!” he announced triumphantly. “Just as she was climaxing, I kept my tongue on her clit and went for her G-spot with my finger. She just kept cumming and cumming and cumming. It was…awesome,” he pleasantly sighed. I praised Bill for his newfound sexual prowess, all of which he had learned in our previous session. “Congratulations, you completed the Venus Butterfly technique. How long were you able to last after that? I inquired. “I got on top of her and almost came too fast, so I changed positions like you suggested and lasted at least for 5 minutes,” he replied. Did he say 5 minutes? 5 minutes! My 2 minute man was now a 5 minute man? Fantastic! Now that’s what I call progress. Listening to Bill, I couldn’t help wonder what the ultimate minute man, Paul Revere, would have thought. “Dr. Ava is coming! Dr. Ava is coming!”

Sex on Drugs

While waiting for my next client, I received a call from a reporter at the Metro Newspaper in the UK. They wanted my expert opinion on having sex while on recreational drugs. I can’t imagine needing anything more than a spontaneous, open-minded, adventurous and willing personality for great sex. So the need for anything more stimulating than the most stimulating thing on earth is not only foreign to me but, well, crazy. Besides, isn’t sex the most natural drug on earth? I don’t use recreational drugs but, apparently, this has become an epidemic in the UK.

Addicted to Love

I think Robert Palmer had something when he belted, “Might as well face it, you’re addicted to love!” And what’s so wrong with that? After all, isn’t it our most basic fundamental desire…to give and receive love?
My new client was a genuine Beverly Hills desperate housewife. Lacey entered my office with every hair in place, perfect makeup, sporting an expensive designer suit that showed every curve. In short, lace had nothing on Lacey. She was voluptuous, beautiful and, ironically, confident. “I’m a sex addict, “she proclaimed - and so began our 2 hour session.
I found her self-diagnosis interesting and asked her why she felt it to be true. She proceeded to confess she was having sex with her trainer, her pool boy, her gardener, and was presently contemplating her hairdresser. “I’m running out of employees,” she wryly mused. Lacey was no longer in love with her husband, a prominent plastic surgeon whom she married 15 years ago. Divorce was too complicated and, therefore, not an option. Her relationship with her husband had moved beyond dislike. She had become completely indifferent and numb towards him, in every way. In fact, she was perfectly OK with her husband cheating on her, something she had resigned herself to years ago. “When I leave today, I will be meeting a cute waiter I met this morning at a hotel,” she commented bluntly. “How do you feel after you have sex with these men?” I asked. “I want them to love me,” she responded instantaneously. And there it was, clear as day. Lacey was not a sex addict. She was a love addict.
An addiction to “sex” needs to be monitored, analyzed and understood. An addiction to Desperate Housewives, well that’s another session!

It’s in the cards! It’s in the cards!

Christina Engelhardt is a beautiful blond of German descent. She is also a friend. An accomplished astrologer, Christina offered to give me a Tarot card reading as a way of thanking me for hiring her as a staff writer for my website (just check out her Sextrology forecast on http://www.avacadell.com/).
Guess what? My Tarot card reading revealed that 2006 will be a big year filled with romance, success and an abundance of financial rewards for me! Pretty cool, huh?
Needless to say, I left Christina’s house feeling like a winner. I plan on holding those cards for awhile!

Apprentice Sexperts

Meanwhile, Chance (my office manager), was back at the office filming an apprentice prospect named Tracey. Tracey was busy revealing her qualifications for the apprentice sexpert position by performing a few positions of her own – a striptease for the camera. Earlier that day, Chance filmed Charlese outside Hustler who wanted to show off her TriGasm purchase for the camera. Afterwards, Salvatore came in for an audition, but couldn’t think of anything better to say than, “Hello, my name is Salvatore and I am a good lover.” Apparently, Salvatore is short for Salvation For All Women! The next day, he called back and wanted to re-shoot his audition tape. You’ve got to see these tapes to believe them.

Tom Cruise the Alpha Dog

On November 8th I was asked to comment on the body language of Hollywood stars for E! News. I arrived before noon so they could air the segment that very night. I watched various TV re-runs, one of which was of Tom Cruise kissing Katie Holmes. I pointed out that Tom’s body language was that of an alpha-dog controlling his prey. The producers then showed me Vince Vaughn hugging Jennifer Anniston. I immediately picked up on his primal grip which screamed, “I want you now” while Jennifer’s body language was much more passive. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s walk to the podium to promote their movie Mr. & Mrs. Smith was memorable because they were trying to hide the fact that they had been intimate. I commented on Brad biting his bottom lip, which is an indication he really wants to blurt something out, but is forcing himself to hide it. Angelina was sauntering with a satisfied smile on her face; the kind a woman has after a fulfilling climax.

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